Senior Stories: Isabella, A Battle with Anxiety
Isabella is an 6 year SRLA runner from Diego Rivera Learning Complex and 4 time LA Marathon finisher. Isabella was awarded an SRLA scholarship which will support her academic journey at University of California, Los Angeles as an Sociology major.
Isabella (left) celebrating with her mom after finishing the 2023 LA Marathon.
When I was young, I met my mortal enemy. Fear had arrived and consumed my being. It would sneak up on me and paralyze me. It whispered doubts in my ear and assured me that my few friends only stuck by me out of pity, and soon they would notice my failings. Exhausted by my anxiety, the image of composure shattered, and my emotions spilled out. I wanted to meet new people, experience new things, and become a new person, and middle school was the perfect time to cross these wishes off my list. Determined, I headed for "Running Club."
My old self avoided running beyond racing my sisters for the TV remote. Still, I had to try. I had to prove to myself and the fear I carried with me that I was strong even if I did not feel it. My family was bewildered by my commitment: some were wholeheartedly supportive, and others expressed doubts. My family pediatrician confided to me she did not believe I was mentally able to complete the training. Her words brought back my enemy, but my trust in myself kept it at bay.
“Whenever I get into any tough situation, I always tell myself ‘You’ve done four marathons, you can do this’. ”
The running club trained three times a week and completed a race ranging from 5k - 30k each month. My body hurt in ways I could have never imagined; I was constantly sore, yet I showed up to every practice. The pain was not the only thing I had to work through. Unfortunately, I had scheduling issues. I had to balance my running, academics, and personal life all at once. I had to help out a lot at home because I have a younger brother. I had to watch him and just navigating personal celebrations and achievements. On top of my personal barriers, my mom's work schedule conflicted with my Saturday race schedule, so we spent days discussing how I could attend my runs.
Learning to prioritize was one of the biggest things I had to do because I learned what things I should dedicate my time to. Finding a balance between running, school, and family was overwhelming at times, and I questioned if it was worth it when I had to miss out on fun events, but I pushed through. The rush of endorphins created a powerful sense of happiness when finally crossing the finish line after miles of doubt, pain, and tears. Continuing to run despite the sacrifices and hurdles I had to overcome was difficult; I ran my first marathon at twelve years old and never looked back. As I moved on to high school, I embraced my confidence, became a school tour guide and mentor, and joined crafting and cultural clubs.
I started SRLA when I was in seventh grade which was a little out of the box for me. In sixth grade, I did not do any physical activity. I hated doing mile runs. Seeing what I have done now, that difference is crazy to me, it helps to remember how far I have come. Whenever I get into any tough situation, I always tell myself “You’ve done four marathons, you can do this”. This mentality really came in hand when I ran the LA Marathon this past March. It was my hardest marathon because I had gotten injured in my knee a month right before the marathon. My injury made me doubt myself and I often wondered if I should give up on trying to run my last marathon as a high schooler. My running group and coaches continued to encourage me regardless of what thoughts I was having. Their encouragement helped me the most. I was able to finish and at the end, I felt so proud of myself. After miles and miles, I was about to collapse on the ground but it was the best pain I had endured.
“When I was young, I met my mortal enemy. Fear had arrived and consumed my being. It would sneak up on me and paralyze me.”
My strong community was always vibrant during marathon mornings, which is one of the reasons why I loved the morning before a race. Everyone's half asleep. It's really cold. This March, it was so cold that we had to wrap ourselves in mylar blankets and all the SRLA runners were under a tent. We had put all our blankets together and we huddled up so we could warm ourselves up. Marathon mornings were hard because of the early wake up time but those were moments that I really loved my time with SRLA. Everyone was connected and everyone was nervous. It was an event before a big race.
Isabella holding her 4 marathon medals up at graduation.
When I look back, I wish I could tell my younger self to stop overthinking and to just take the leap of faith. Overthinking stopped a lot of opportunities for me because I would get really anxious about everything. I had a lot of cool things that I could’ve done if I didn’t talk myself out of it, often thinking that it wasn’t meant for me. I sometimes catch myself thinking worst case scenarios when all I need to do is take a deep breath and remind myself to calm down. Besides the physical health benefits, running also helped with my anxiety and it helped me to stop doubting my self worth. Running empowered me to truly believe in myself more than what I used to think about myself. Having anxiety made me feel weak in different ways and it wasn’t until I took up running that ideal changed. I learned to work and live with my anxiety instead of trying to get rid of it. Acknowledging the fear and anxious thoughts makes it more easier to control those thoughts from consuming my entire mental state and controlling my actions.
I would like to shoutout my mom. She’s the real reason I was able to do like any of the accomplishments I finished during my time at SRLA and in high school. My mom works weekends so it would be difficult navigating how to manage scheduling issues especially about my races around the weekend. She would wake up with me at three/four in the morning, drive me to school because she didn't want me walking in the dark and then showed up to every marathon. I know being there for every marathon was really hard for her and her support means the world to me. I appreciate everything she has done for me. She's the reason I've been able to come as far as I have.
“After miles and miles, I was about to collapse on the ground but it was the best pain I had endured.”